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　　2020哈佛大學(xué)申請(qǐng)論文范文分享（附招生官評(píng)論）

　　文章原文：摘選自哈佛2020錄取新生Lucien

　　“I sat under the table, burying my head tightly in my folded arms, while the other children sat on the carpet, listening to the teacher’s story. The language barrier was like a tsunami, gurgling with strange and indistinguishable vocalizations. Elementary school wasn’t as fun as I expected at all.

　　“Hello?”

　　Hearing a whisper, I raised my head up, only to notice a boy’s face merely inches away. I bolted up in surprise, my head colliding gracefully with the underside of the table. Yelping in pain, I noticed that the entire class was staring at me.

　　That was the story of how I met my first friend in Canada.

　　That boy, Jack, came to visit me during my lonely recesses. It was rather awkward at first—I could only stare at him as he rambled on in English. But it was comforting to have some company.

　　From there, our friendship blossomed. Our initial conversations must have been hilarious to the hapless bystander. Jack would speak in fluent English while I spurted sentence after sentence of Mandarin. It was like watching tennis—rallies of English and Mandarin back and forth. But I learned quickly, and in no time I was fluent.

　　Jack also showed me the ropes of Western culture. Heaven knows how embarrassing my birthday party would’ve been if he hadn’t told me about those so-called “l(fā)oot-bags” beforehand.

　　Today, I volunteer at a community service agency for new immigrants where I work with children. I do it because I understand the confusion and frustration of dealing with a strange and sometimes hostile environment; I remember how it feels to be tangled up in an amalgam of unfamiliar words and sounds. And so I teach them; I give seminars on reading, writing, and speaking skills as well as Western culture, history, and sometimes, a bit of social studies.

　　But I strive to do more than just that. I try to be a friend—because I remember how Jack helped me. I organize field trips to the science center, the museum, and the symphony: double-whammy trips where children can have fun while improving their literacy skills.

　　Through these experiences, I try to understand each of them as unique individuals—their likes, dislikes, pet peeves, background.

　　Everyone needs a guiding light through the lonesome process of adaptation, a friendly bump to lift them from the dark shroud of isolation. That’s what Jack did for me—with a rather painful bump to the head—and it’s also what I do for these immigrant children.

　　My hope is that, one day, these children will also feel compelled to do the same, helping others adapt to an unfamiliar environment. With this, we can truly create a caring and cohesive network of support for the children of our society.”

　　哈佛大學(xué)招生官評(píng)論：

　　Lucien的文章描述了與他的社區(qū)服務(wù)活動(dòng)之間的個(gè)人聯(lián)系，并為可能顯示大學(xué)申請(qǐng)的課外活動(dòng)提供了原因。他首先遇到了一個(gè)有趣的軼事，他在加拿大認(rèn)識(shí)了他的第一個(gè)朋友，并將這次相遇與他當(dāng)前的熱情聯(lián)系在一起，然后通過(guò)自我反思和他希望實(shí)現(xiàn)的更大的社會(huì)目標(biāo)來(lái)進(jìn)行更深入的研究。他的個(gè)人陳述使讀者瞥見(jiàn)了他的背景和對(duì)新文化的同化，以及他作為移民的經(jīng)驗(yàn)如何激勵(lì)他幫助其他移民適應(yīng)新地方的生活。

　　本文的優(yōu)勢(shì)在于生動(dòng)有趣地講述了他與陌生人在國(guó)外新環(huán)境中的第一個(gè)朋友杰克的第一次相遇，以及他如何利用這個(gè)故事來(lái)說(shuō)明他對(duì)志愿服務(wù)的熱情。在文章的結(jié)尾，他將社區(qū)服務(wù)與一個(gè)更大的目標(biāo)聯(lián)系在一起，使讀者感到鼓舞，并暗示了他的思想，希望和夢(mèng)想。當(dāng)他描述如何通過(guò)將頭撞到桌子下面遇見(jiàn)他的第一個(gè)朋友時(shí)，有一種謙卑和幽默的語(yǔ)調(diào)，并且稍后在他談?wù)搸椭渌泼窈⒆訒r(shí)再次提及時(shí)，使頭撞出了一個(gè)主題。他謙虛地將自己在社區(qū)服務(wù)機(jī)構(gòu)的高尚行為歸功于與他的第一個(gè)朋友會(huì)面，并謙卑地透露了自己的希望，即他自己的善行將激勵(lì)其他人將其付諸東流。

　　Lucien還可以通過(guò)在社區(qū)服務(wù)機(jī)構(gòu)參加他的研討會(huì)和組織實(shí)地考察的經(jīng)歷來(lái)收集他的經(jīng)歷，從而使這篇文章更令人回味和獨(dú)特。他以清單的形式表示自己的志愿服務(wù)職責(zé)，這看起來(lái)有點(diǎn)非個(gè)人化和簡(jiǎn)歷化。

　　例如，他提到自己是如何理解他所幫助的人的，但沒(méi)有包括他如何做到這一點(diǎn)，或者了解這些獨(dú)特的個(gè)人是否有助于他的經(jīng)歷。添加一個(gè)有關(guān)他如何改變他所幫助的移民生活的故事，這將增強(qiáng)他的信息，并與杰克如何幫助他的趣聞相提并論，因?yàn)樗晃樟怂幕顒?dòng)部分中的一條線而融入了西方文化。總體而言，Lucien將幽默與謙虛相結(jié)合，使讀者感到鼓舞。

　　以上是關(guān)于2020哈佛大學(xué)申請(qǐng)論文范文完整分享，要是您對(duì)美國(guó)留學(xué)感興趣，歡迎您在線咨詢托普仕留學(xué)老師，托普仕留學(xué)專注美國(guó)TOP30高校申請(qǐng)，獨(dú)創(chuàng)5V1服務(wù)模式，嚴(yán)格限制招生數(shù)量，提升學(xué)生綜合實(shí)力，及早助力國(guó)內(nèi)更多學(xué)子可以順利入讀美國(guó)藤校。