

在美國留學(xué)的申請(qǐng)準(zhǔn)備中,個(gè)人陳述是決定每個(gè)人能否成功申請(qǐng)的重要因素。托普仕老師整理了申請(qǐng)美國大學(xué)法學(xué)院個(gè)人陳述范文,準(zhǔn)備申請(qǐng)的同學(xué)一起看一看。
申請(qǐng)美國大學(xué)法學(xué)院個(gè)人陳述范文
個(gè)人文書范例1(J.D.)
請(qǐng)注意:這位申請(qǐng)者的GPA為3.7,LSAT分?jǐn)?shù)為172分,并被眾多頂尖法學(xué)院(包括哥倫比亞大學(xué)法學(xué)院、芝加哥大學(xué)法學(xué)院、紐約大學(xué)法學(xué)院等——NYU為其最終選擇)錄取。
Eighteen months ago, I was sitting at my computer, wedged between a dripping coffee maker to my left and the company’s CFO five feet to my right. Every keystroke shook the flimsy fold-out card table that served as my desk, on loan to the company from another employee’s garage. We were packed in the largest of three rooms in a 2,500 square foot space baking in the heat generated by ten co-workers in close quarters, fifteen running computers, and an abnormally warm summer. On the glass doorway was etched the ghostly lettering of the former company occupying the space, serving as a grim reminder of the ever-present possibility of failure.
18個(gè)月前,我坐在電腦前,左邊是一臺(tái)咖啡機(jī),右邊五英尺處是公司的CFO,十分擁擠。每一次敲擊鍵盤都震顫著我那脆弱的、從公司里另外一個(gè)員工車庫里借來的折頁桌。我們擁擠在2500平方英尺場地中三間屋子中最大的一間里,被十名擠擠挨挨的同事、十五臺(tái)運(yùn)行中的電腦和熱的出奇的夏天蒸烤著。玻璃門上詭異地刻著的是前一個(gè)占據(jù)我們房間的公司的名字,仿佛在令人討厭地暗示著失敗的可能永遠(yuǎn)存在。
Two weeks earlier, I had been in my company’s small conference room sitting at the table surrounded by familiar faces from my last employer. Silicon Valley is incestuous: teams migrate from one company to the next, so I was not surprised to find myself recruited to join my old boss’s newest project. They were selling another David versus Goliath story, featuring a small rag-tag team of engineers defeating a seemingly insurmountable industry leader. Despite my skepticism, I still had a free-running imagination fed with nostalgic thoughts of Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard working on their first audio oscillator in a Palo Alto garage. But at my last start-up company, we had challenged a corporation for a piece of the industry pie, and nine years and $330 million dollars later, the company was a hollow shell doing mostly engineering contractor work. I was lucky enough to join that company late in the game and sell my stock options early, but many others spent a significant portion of their career at a company that came close to glory but ultimately fell short: Goliath 1, David 0.
兩周之前,我坐在公司的小會(huì)議室中,周圍盡是熟人——我上一任雇主手下的員工。硅谷就是這樣血脈親近——團(tuán)隊(duì)經(jīng)常集體地從一個(gè)公司跳槽到另一家,所以我被我以前老板的新項(xiàng)目所招募加入并不意外。他們?cè)诙凳哿硗庖粋€(gè)大衛(wèi)對(duì)戰(zhàn)戈利亞斯的故事,試圖以一群貧賤的工程師團(tuán)隊(duì)打敗一個(gè)幾乎無敵的產(chǎn)業(yè)領(lǐng)袖。盡管我有所懷疑,但是我仍舊被BillHewlett和Dave Packard在PaloAlto車庫里制造第一臺(tái)聲音振蕩器的故事所感染,懷有對(duì)未來廣闊天地的憧憬。但是在上一個(gè)白手起家的公司里,我們?cè)噲D去搶下一個(gè)公司口中的一塊產(chǎn)業(yè)蛋糕,但是耗時(shí)九年、斥資3.3億美元后,我們的公司卻僅成為一個(gè)只做些工程承包的空殼公司。我很幸運(yùn)我加入很晚并且早早賣出了手中的股票期權(quán),但是其他人卻在職業(yè)生涯中極其寶貴的一段時(shí)間呆在了這個(gè)最終也未有輝煌成就的公司。這個(gè)回合,大衛(wèi)輸給了戈利亞斯。
This time they were telling me it was going to be different; they were always saying this time would be different. I asked them how a small, poorly funded start-up company could go against a giant corporation, which was also the undisputed king of our market, with nearly $400 million in quarterly revenue. After signing a non-disclosure agreement, I was let in on the big secret, the meaning of the “C” in the company name: we were going to use recent innovations in carbon nano-tubes to revolutionize the industry. These nano-scopic cylindrical fibers that allow unparalleled circuit density would be David’s tiny, secret sling.
這次,他們告訴我一切將會(huì)不一樣——他們總是說這次會(huì)是不一樣。我問他們,一個(gè)篳路藍(lán)縷的公司如何對(duì)抗一個(gè)市場地位無可撼動(dòng)、季度收入接近4億美元的產(chǎn)業(yè)巨鱷。在我簽下一份保密協(xié)議后,公司名稱中“C”的秘密終于被揭曉——我們將會(huì)應(yīng)用碳納米管的最新創(chuàng)新技術(shù)來掀起全產(chǎn)業(yè)的革命。這些納米級(jí)別的圓柱纖維可以容納前所未有的電路密度,這會(huì)成為大衛(wèi)的制勝法寶。
With the financial incentive of stock options and the confidence gained by working with a crack technical team, everyone was working at full capacity. There were scribbled drawings with names and dates taped up on a wall. These were the jotted ideas from our team of electrical engineers and physicists with M.S. and Ph.D. degrees from schools like Harvard, Stanford, and M.I.T. One posting was my recent workings of a carbon nano-tube electro-mechanical configuration bit, an idea that a co-worker and I had developed that I would write up and the company would push through the patent process. By packing a dozen well-caffeinated physics and electronics geniuses into a pathetic three-room rental that resembled a low-budget movie studio, we had created the primordial soup of intellectual invention. As a result of our collective ideas, our seasoned team, our innovative ideas, and nano-technology being the latest buzzword in investment, we were soon funded by venture capitalists for $10 million. It was immensely exciting to be the tenth employee in a growing start-up company that would have to upgrade offices and dramatically expand staff in an up-scaling war against the industry titan.
在股票期權(quán)的經(jīng)濟(jì)激勵(lì)下,還有和一群最好的技術(shù)團(tuán)隊(duì)一起工作所激發(fā)的自信中,每個(gè)人都不遺余力地工作著。墻上有許多膠帶粘著的胡亂涂畫,附有姓名和日期。這是我們團(tuán)隊(duì)中從哈佛、斯坦佛、麻省理工等學(xué)校拿到碩士和博士學(xué)位的工程師和物理學(xué)家們所摘記下來的想法。其中一幅是我最近關(guān)于碳納米管電子機(jī)械配置的研究成果的,我和一個(gè)同事決定由我來詳細(xì)撰寫之,公司來推進(jìn)專利進(jìn)程。一打被咖啡因所激勵(lì)的物理和電子天才們擁擠在一個(gè)寒酸的、類似一個(gè)低預(yù)算電影工作室的三房租間里,我們創(chuàng)造了智力發(fā)明的“原生湯”。鑒于我們共同的想法、干練的隊(duì)伍、創(chuàng)新的點(diǎn)子和納米在投資界的熱詞效應(yīng),風(fēng)險(xiǎn)投資者們隨即為我們提供了一千萬美元的資助。成為一個(gè)即將升級(jí)辦公設(shè)施、大幅擴(kuò)建團(tuán)隊(duì)并向行業(yè)巨頭發(fā)起挑戰(zhàn)的創(chuàng)業(yè)公司的第十名員工,這無疑是激動(dòng)人心的。
The increased design responsibility and unbounded architectural creativity that comes with working for a start-up is unparalleled. However, the necessity of side-stepping patented intellectual property belonging to our competitor, which covered all aspects of our design, from manufacturing to testing, placed a heavy burden on the design team. This danger was extremely real, as a similar start-up had collapsed following an infringement lawsuit related to unauthorized reproduction of a bit stream. As the designer of three different components, I examined our competition’s sixteen patents related to the memory aspect of the device. It was immensely satisfying to study, absorb, and then circumvent patent claims as I designed a conceptually similar but un-patented version of three memory blocks.
為創(chuàng)業(yè)公司工作所附帶的增加的設(shè)計(jì)責(zé)任和無限的人工創(chuàng)造力是無可比擬的。但是,繞過我們競爭對(duì)手擁有專利權(quán)的智力財(cái)產(chǎn)是設(shè)計(jì)團(tuán)隊(duì)身上的沉重負(fù)擔(dān),特別是這些智力成果涵蓋了我們從生產(chǎn)到測試的全過程的設(shè)計(jì)的全方面。這風(fēng)險(xiǎn)及其嚴(yán)重,因?yàn)橐粋€(gè)相似的創(chuàng)業(yè)公司曾因關(guān)于未授權(quán)復(fù)制的碼流的侵權(quán)訴訟而轟然倒塌。作為三項(xiàng)不同零組件的設(shè)計(jì)者,我仔細(xì)研究了我們競爭對(duì)手的16項(xiàng)關(guān)于設(shè)備內(nèi)存的專利。這項(xiàng)學(xué)習(xí)、理解之后規(guī)避專利爭議的工作使我及其滿足,因?yàn)槲以O(shè)計(jì)出了三項(xiàng)極其類似卻又未曾被專利注冊(cè)過的內(nèi)存塊。
I am interested in serving as general counsel for a corporation focused on advanced semiconductor technology. My diverse work experience and master’s degree provide a perfect foundation to tackle the issues faced by a general counsel. I am drawn to the challenges I will find at the intersection of intellectual property, product liability, and corporate law. At this juncture in my life, I seek more challenge and personal growth in a field that calls on my written skills, attention to detail, and love of technology. My background in nano-technology will bring a unique perspective to the NYU classroom and will make me extremely marketable upon graduation. By pursuing a law degree, I intend to enter a profession that aligns with the interests and aptitudes I have discovered and developed through real work experience. It is through deep personal reflection that I have decided that law is the natural extension of my training, personality, and talents.
我希望成為致力于高端半導(dǎo)體科技公司的總法律顧問。我多元化的工作經(jīng)歷和碩士學(xué)位為解決作為總法律顧問將要面對(duì)的問題打下了堅(jiān)實(shí)基礎(chǔ)。我專注于來自于知識(shí)產(chǎn)權(quán)、產(chǎn)品責(zé)任和公司法交叉領(lǐng)域的專業(yè)挑戰(zhàn)。在我人生的這個(gè)節(jié)點(diǎn)上,我希望在一個(gè)能提高寫作水平、細(xì)節(jié)專注度和對(duì)技術(shù)的熱愛的領(lǐng)域里得到更多自我成長。我的納米技術(shù)背景將會(huì)為紐約大學(xué)帶來一個(gè)獨(dú)特視角,并將使我在畢業(yè)時(shí)為市場所青睞。我希望獲得一個(gè)法律學(xué)位,為的是進(jìn)入一個(gè)和我一直在實(shí)際工作中探索而萌生的興趣和培養(yǎng)的資質(zhì)相鏈接的職業(yè)。經(jīng)過深思熟慮,我認(rèn)為法律才是我的教育、個(gè)性和天賦的自然延伸。
評(píng)析
優(yōu)點(diǎn):
這是一篇優(yōu)秀的個(gè)人陳述,因?yàn)樗宫F(xiàn)了申請(qǐng)者對(duì)組織或者全球經(jīng)濟(jì)的切實(shí)具體的影響力。文章通過對(duì)故事背景、沖突以及解決策略的描述,敘述了一個(gè)有意義的故事,引人入勝。讀者同時(shí)可以借此一窺硅谷初創(chuàng)企業(yè)神秘傳奇的世界。這篇范文對(duì)于畢業(yè)很久但是沒有律所工作經(jīng)驗(yàn)的申請(qǐng)人是一個(gè)很好的藍(lán)本。該范文以個(gè)人事業(yè)目標(biāo)為重點(diǎn),以其職業(yè)經(jīng)歷作為職稱。這個(gè)申請(qǐng)人是一個(gè)踐行者而非空想家。他充分展現(xiàn)了自己的技術(shù)知識(shí)以及強(qiáng)大的分析說理技巧而非簡單的直線思考,特別體現(xiàn)在文章對(duì)于當(dāng)他發(fā)現(xiàn)了解決技術(shù)問題的途徑,而沒有違反專利規(guī)定的描寫中。其他公司極力爭取去雇傭這名申請(qǐng)人以及風(fēng)險(xiǎn)投資家們樂意為他提供大量資金支持,申請(qǐng)人已經(jīng)遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地?cái)[脫了大學(xué)的安全網(wǎng),并且有所成就。這篇陳述讓招生委員會(huì)非常想錄取這名申請(qǐng)人。
申請(qǐng)人通過令人嘆服的陳述,展示了其較強(qiáng)的書面溝通能力。該陳述應(yīng)用了廣告(Logos)、感傷因素(pathos)、道德本質(zhì)(ethos)、虛擬故事(mythos)。當(dāng)他談及投資于其智力潛能的大量資金以及他運(yùn)用其分析能力維持公司的運(yùn)作而其他相同公司失敗的時(shí)候,申請(qǐng)人運(yùn)用廣告證明了他的卓越;當(dāng)他描述在擁擠的辦公室里“智力發(fā)明的原始湯”(primordial soup of intellectual invention)時(shí),他稍微提及了感傷因素。當(dāng)他描述類比時(shí),他把自己新辦的企業(yè)和行業(yè)領(lǐng)導(dǎo)比作侏儒與巨人。同時(shí),用感傷因素和虛擬故事創(chuàng)造了很好的效果。 這個(gè)故事人人皆知,作者僅僅點(diǎn)到為止,用了另一個(gè)有力的故事而沒有耗費(fèi)寶貴的篇幅。這個(gè)虛構(gòu)故事成為了貫穿全文的主題。在讀者觀念中將候選人和領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者之間建立聯(lián)系是一種修辭手段,這以他富有同情心的道德本質(zhì)而聞名。由此,讀者也會(huì)形成一個(gè)觀點(diǎn),申請(qǐng)人是一個(gè)權(quán)威、稱職、有思想、誠實(shí)的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者。
缺點(diǎn):
這篇文章太過注重故事細(xì)節(jié),而沒有為說明申請(qǐng)者是法學(xué)院合適人選提供支撐。但幸運(yùn)的是,因?yàn)檎鎸?shí)的故事能夠使許多人產(chǎn)生共鳴,所以故事本身還是很有力的。此文以自我闡述為結(jié)構(gòu),以申請(qǐng)人的職業(yè)經(jīng)歷為主題。第一段全部是描述性的內(nèi)容,這和此人是為何是法學(xué)院的合適候選人幾乎沒有關(guān)系。因此,第一段缺少主題或是引導(dǎo)文章的方向的內(nèi)容。理想的個(gè)人陳述的第一段是,讀者能在此找到全文的縮影。
個(gè)人陳述的主要部分充分運(yùn)用了具體的細(xì)節(jié)和行為動(dòng)詞,這是非常好的因?yàn)橐曈X型學(xué)習(xí)者能夠非常生動(dòng)地想象辦公室的具體形象。到此為止,倒數(shù)第二段的內(nèi)容對(duì)招生委員會(huì)而言是最具價(jià)值的,但是背景介紹對(duì)于此段落具有較強(qiáng)說服力非常重要。申請(qǐng)人本還可以通過背景介紹更多地展示其優(yōu)良品質(zhì)和個(gè)性。例如,他可以提及他是如何利用他的口頭交流能力與其設(shè)計(jì)團(tuán)隊(duì)和主管進(jìn)行交流,這樣一來,招生委員會(huì)將會(huì)知曉他重視口頭交際能力把握,這正是他們想要了解的。
最后一段中申請(qǐng)人進(jìn)行了總結(jié),同時(shí)進(jìn)行了自我評(píng)價(jià)和目標(biāo)闡述。他應(yīng)當(dāng)提及其碩士學(xué)位的專業(yè)方向。此申請(qǐng)人犯了一個(gè)通病,只是將申請(qǐng)的學(xué)校名字當(dāng)成了一個(gè)符號(hào)。其實(shí)任何一個(gè)法學(xué)院都可以替換那個(gè)位置。申請(qǐng)人并沒有傳達(dá)出他已經(jīng)對(duì)紐約大學(xué)的法律項(xiàng)目進(jìn)行過檢索。在文中并未提及紐約大學(xué)法學(xué)院在專利權(quán)和知識(shí)產(chǎn)權(quán)法領(lǐng)域是如何的強(qiáng)大;申請(qǐng)人也沒有討論待在紐約市將會(huì)如何使得他與東海岸的技術(shù)專家們保持聯(lián)系,從而能夠幫助其事業(yè)的發(fā)展。紐約大學(xué)法學(xué)院的招生顧問將會(huì)很樂意聽到申請(qǐng)人與法學(xué)院如何成為一個(gè)理想組合。申請(qǐng)人需要說服紐約大學(xué)招生委員會(huì)相信紐約大學(xué)對(duì)于申請(qǐng)人來說是唯一的最佳選擇,而他可以通過說明學(xué)院特殊的優(yōu)勢(shì)將會(huì)幫助實(shí)現(xiàn)其目標(biāo)來達(dá)到這種效果。
范文2
注意——此申請(qǐng)人基于提供給其的反饋對(duì)本文進(jìn)行了大量的修改。這個(gè)樣本對(duì)于我們?cè)趥€(gè)人陳述中我們應(yīng)當(dāng)避免什么提供了寶貴的經(jīng)驗(yàn)。
From Ordinary to Honors
從平凡到榮耀
Winston Churchill once said, “The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.” Churchill’s statement is extremely evident in my path toward law school. Appearing to be a typical straight out of undergraduate law school applicant, I bring much more than that to the table. My academic achievements speak for themselves as I graduated with honors in only three years. However my path toward college was not as successful. I attended a competitive private high school and was among the bottom tier of students in my class. Going into my undergraduate studies, I was excited to get to a new place in my life, but did not realize my potential for academic success.
溫斯頓·丘吉爾曾經(jīng)說過:“你回首看得越遠(yuǎn),你向前也會(huì)看得越遠(yuǎn)?!鼻鸺獱柕脑捲谖彝ㄍ▽W(xué)院的道路上有著格外清晰的驗(yàn)證??此剖且粋€(gè)典型的申請(qǐng)法學(xué)院的本科畢業(yè)生,我不僅僅止于此。僅用了3年的時(shí)間得以優(yōu)異的成績畢業(yè),我的學(xué)術(shù)成績說明了一切。我進(jìn)入了一所競爭激烈的私立高中并且曾經(jīng)是班級(jí)內(nèi)墊底的學(xué)生。因此當(dāng)步入我的本科學(xué)習(xí)階段時(shí),我興奮于得以踏進(jìn)人生的新階段,但未曾意識(shí)到我擁有學(xué)術(shù)成功的潛能。
My success in high school was marginal at best. I was barely a B student. My first days of high school were rough, leaving my home area to attend a private school where I did not know a single other person. The discomfort I felt translated into a not so great first two years and I only ended up a B student because of a fairly successful senior year.
我在高中的優(yōu)勢(shì)是及其微弱的。我勉強(qiáng)是一個(gè)良好生。剛剛開始高中生活的日子是非常艱辛的,背井離鄉(xiāng)去到一個(gè)私立學(xué)校,在那里我不認(rèn)識(shí)任何一個(gè)人。這種不自在體現(xiàn)在我高中前兩年的不如意,雖然有著相對(duì)成功的最后一年,我最終僅得以成為一名良好生。
I again decided to leave my comfort zone as I attended the University of Southern California (USC), six hundred and fifty miles from home. One of my very first courses was a seemingly meaningless course, titled “University 101: The Student in University.” The course was essentially a welcome to school course, an easy A, and some fair warnings and instructions for surviving the college experience. To most people including myself, this class appeared to be a waste of time. I could not have been more wrong.
我再次選擇走出我的舒適圈,選擇進(jìn)入了距離我家650英里的南加利福尼亞大學(xué)。開學(xué)最初的幾門課程之一是一門看似沒有意義的課程:“大學(xué)入門:大學(xué)里的學(xué)生”。這門課程本質(zhì)上是對(duì)我們進(jìn)入大學(xué)課程的歡迎,如何寫好論文,以及一些就如何在大學(xué)里生存的忠告和指引。對(duì)大多數(shù)人包括我而言,這門課就是浪費(fèi)時(shí)間。但事實(shí)是當(dāng)下我的這種觀點(diǎn)是錯(cuò)誤的。
I quickly began to get very involved in the class, and it became a major factor in my comfort and success at USC. My instructor, Dr. Smith, was a huge part of this. Being the Director of Housing as well as the Director of Student Affairs, Dr. Smith helped me become comfortable on campus and get involved with various activities. He pushed everyone in the class to succeed, and I soon realized it was not about University 101, it was about the rest of our first semester, and our continued success as we went onto our degree.
我迅速融入了班級(jí)生活,并且這成為我能夠在南加州大學(xué)感到自在和成功的主要因素。我的導(dǎo)師,史密斯先生,是這個(gè)因素中極大部分的促成者。作為宿舍主任以及訓(xùn)導(dǎo)主任,史密斯先生讓我在校園內(nèi)感受到自在并參加各種活動(dòng)。他激勵(lì)班級(jí)里的每個(gè)人追求成功,我不久便意識(shí)到了這門課不是大學(xué)入門,而是關(guān)于如何度過我們第一學(xué)期的剩余時(shí)間以及如何獲得接下來的持續(xù)成功。
I realized how poorly I began high school. With that in mind and my new found comfort at USC, I thrived early on. I knew I could succeed, and I had an instructor that cared as a great resource to my success. While other students were struggling to adjust to college life, I was able to relax and easily make it through my first group of classes. I felt as if I was better prepared for college life because of my tough course through high school, and my comfortable introduction to college life.
我意識(shí)到了我是如此糟糕地開始了我的高中生活。我將此銘記于心,加之在南加州大學(xué)新發(fā)現(xiàn)的自在,使我在大學(xué)生活的一開始就進(jìn)步飛快。我知道我會(huì)成功,并且我有一個(gè)成為我成功的巨大源泉的導(dǎo)師。當(dāng)其他學(xué)生正在掙扎著適應(yīng)大學(xué)生活時(shí),我已經(jīng)能夠放松下來并且輕而易舉地在班內(nèi)名列前茅。我覺得正是因?yàn)楦咧杏须y度的課程和在大學(xué)生中感受到的自在讓我對(duì)大學(xué)生活進(jìn)行了更好的準(zhǔn)備。
The College lifestyle seemed to work together with my learning style. Many students get to college, have an abundance of time on their hands and end up wasting all of it. For me it was a relief to have some free time, and I used the time to excel in my class work and still have a great social experience. The more independence I obtained, the better I was able to deal with it.
大學(xué)的生活方式似乎和我的學(xué)習(xí)方式協(xié)作共贏。許多學(xué)生進(jìn)入大學(xué),有大量時(shí)間可以自己分配最終卻浪費(fèi)了所有時(shí)間。對(duì)我而言,有一些自由支配的時(shí)間是一件舒心的事兒。我用這些時(shí)間投入在功課中并且仍然有著非常棒的社交生活。我越發(fā)獨(dú)立,我越發(fā)能夠更好地處理這些事情。
我前期的成功幫助我在3年內(nèi)完成了學(xué)業(yè)。我在學(xué)校的自在使得我每一個(gè)學(xué)期能夠完成21個(gè)學(xué)分,同時(shí)參與校園活動(dòng)、在課外兼職并且持續(xù)在課業(yè)上獲得成功。
My early success has allowed me to push myself as of late in order to graduate in three years. My comfort at school allowed me to take up to 21 credit hours per semester, get involved on campus with activities and part-time jobs, and continue to succeed in my coursework.
我前期的成功幫助我在3年內(nèi)完成了學(xué)業(yè)。我在學(xué)校的自在使得我每一個(gè)學(xué)期能夠完成21個(gè)學(xué)分,同時(shí)參與校園活動(dòng)、在課外兼職并且持續(xù)在課業(yè)上獲得成功。
I entered my undergraduate studies as someone who struggled in high school, coming into school with only 4 of my 127 required credits completed. Presently, I look forward to graduating with a perfect grade point average in only three years and attending law school to pursue a career as an attorney. I look forward to the challenges ahead, and am finally realizing my full potential for success.
我進(jìn)入大學(xué)學(xué)習(xí)正如有人在高中掙扎,因?yàn)楦咧幸笮逎M必修課127學(xué)分,我只有4分。目前我希望,我可以有一個(gè)好的平均分在僅剩的三年,進(jìn)入法學(xué)院學(xué)習(xí)如何作為一名律師。我希望在未來的挑戰(zhàn)可以發(fā)揮我的潛能,讓我收獲成功。
范文2評(píng)析
優(yōu)點(diǎn)
這位申請(qǐng)者采用引言來展開他的個(gè)人陳述。溫斯頓丘吉爾是一個(gè)警句大師,他寫下了很多讓人難忘的引言。出于這個(gè)原因,大家都喜歡引用他的話語。這個(gè)申請(qǐng)者講述了他的個(gè)人經(jīng)歷――一個(gè)長者是怎樣影響并改變了他的 一生。題目和引言都是關(guān)于那些在歲月的消磨中所發(fā)生的重大改變的,題目是“來自最初的榮譽(yù)”,表明個(gè)人陳述是以時(shí)間為線索。引言更是表明申請(qǐng)者會(huì)仔細(xì)反思他犯下的過錯(cuò)和取得的成就,以便在以后做一個(gè)有價(jià)值的抉擇。而作者的立場是“隨著年紀(jì)的增長,他會(huì)變得越來越有責(zé)任?!?/p>
缺點(diǎn)
這份個(gè)人陳述最大的遺憾就是缺少詳細(xì)例證闡述。這樣,讀者就失去了繼續(xù)了解申請(qǐng)者的興趣。申請(qǐng)者并沒有解釋他為什么尊敬丘吉爾,也沒有說明選擇這個(gè)引言的特別之處。除 此之外,他也沒有詳細(xì)描述他所申請(qǐng)地這個(gè)法學(xué)院的特點(diǎn),更沒有說明為何他適合這個(gè)學(xué)校。讀者只是從這個(gè)陳述中了解他曾得到了史密斯博士的幫助,對(duì)于這個(gè)有經(jīng)驗(yàn)的長者,他并沒有更多的描述。另外,沒有必要對(duì)學(xué)習(xí)成績和畢業(yè)年限作陳述,因?yàn)檫@些在成績證明中看到的。
這篇申請(qǐng)文應(yīng)建立一個(gè)很有價(jià)值的切入口,能夠具體地闡述為什么這位申請(qǐng)者是一個(gè)優(yōu)秀的法律院校的候選人,但是申請(qǐng)者沒有好好把握這個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)。例如,關(guān)于導(dǎo)師史密斯博士的敘述缺少一個(gè)讓人信服的故事。我們知道教授是學(xué)院及學(xué)生事務(wù)科的主任,他告訴同學(xué)們“學(xué)生是學(xué)校的主體”,他鼓勵(lì)學(xué)生們參加各種活動(dòng)。從這方面看,他不只是表面看起來的一個(gè)嚴(yán)肅的學(xué)者――盡管他的確在學(xué)術(shù)研究方面非常嚴(yán)肅。然而,假 如申請(qǐng)者論述了史密斯教授是如何教他們與危險(xiǎn)分子抗戰(zhàn),而他又是如何組織專題研討會(huì)討論了關(guān)于動(dòng)物權(quán)利的法律文獻(xiàn),為此,他就向委員會(huì)展示了他的學(xué)習(xí) 熱情,領(lǐng)導(dǎo)才能,分析能力和組織能力。在這種情況下,申請(qǐng)者還可以請(qǐng)史密斯教授寫一封推薦信來證實(shí)事情的真實(shí)性以及申請(qǐng)者對(duì)于自身的品質(zhì)和性格特點(diǎn)描述的真實(shí)性。
這篇個(gè)人陳述可以引用一個(gè)非常有力地引言為這篇文章確立一個(gè)主題。但是這篇文章不能拆解引言的修飾力度,申請(qǐng)者要花時(shí)間理清楚這個(gè)關(guān)于他生命和生活目標(biāo)的引言,讓這個(gè)引言貫穿于整個(gè)文章當(dāng)中。而申請(qǐng)者所引用的溫斯頓丘吉爾的這句名言,“越是回顧歷史,越是遇見未來”確實(shí)是不合適的。申請(qǐng)者應(yīng)該考慮一下丘吉爾說這句話時(shí)的時(shí)代背景,因?yàn)檫@句名言是關(guān)于歷史的價(jià)值,而并非個(gè)人生活的價(jià)值。 無論怎樣,一個(gè)狡猾的聰明的申請(qǐng)者是足可以把這個(gè)引言的意義融合到生活里的,可以談一下同時(shí)期世界上發(fā)生的對(duì)他產(chǎn)生重大影響和意義的事件。 例如,如果申請(qǐng)者的祖父母跟第二次世界大戰(zhàn)有關(guān)聯(lián),由此教導(dǎo)他一些生活或法律方面的經(jīng)驗(yàn),對(duì)他產(chǎn)生了巨大的影響。這個(gè)引言就發(fā)揮了它獨(dú)特的魔力。這樣的修 辭策略可以讓引言充分施展其修辭魔力,優(yōu)雅地把引言融貫到個(gè)人經(jīng)歷上,影響別人或者被人影響。
最后,這篇文章傾注了太多精力在申請(qǐng)者個(gè)人履歷的消極方面。例如,太過于關(guān)注他高中時(shí)期的不太光彩的經(jīng)歷,而這些對(duì)于申請(qǐng)法律院校沒有直接關(guān)系。法 律院校,尤其是那些重點(diǎn)法律院校都希望他們的申請(qǐng)者一直是高水平,高能力者。在個(gè)人陳述的最后草案中顯示你一直在不斷地進(jìn)步不是一個(gè)好的做法,并不提倡。然而,如果把它用在陳述申請(qǐng)者克服曾經(jīng)遇到的重大困難,則會(huì)達(dá)到很 棒的效果,比如遇到學(xué)習(xí)障礙,重大事故或移民到國外,而不僅僅是轉(zhuǎn)學(xué)。
以上就是托普仕小編為大家介紹的申請(qǐng)美國大學(xué)法學(xué)院個(gè)人陳述范文!,更多關(guān)于個(gè)人陳述的相關(guān)問題,歡迎咨詢托普仕高端留學(xué),來自美國前30名校的專家顧問,給您更專業(yè)更權(quán)威的留學(xué)指導(dǎo)。(本文部分內(nèi)容來自網(wǎng)絡(luò))